Everyone negotiates. Negotiations are an integral part of our jobs, our lives, and our relationships. We even negotiate with ourselves when we work out the relative value of things. Few people understand the negotiation process and the effect attitude, people skills and dealing with conflict have in a win-win negotiation. Negotiation is a life skill and an art. As a life skill, you negotiate every day whether you are aware of it or not. As an art, it has to be cultivated and developed over time. Developing a negotiation talent requires turning our thinking around. Learn the secrets and enjoy the process instead of dreading what you might perceive as a conflict.
Today, negative comments and antagonistic attitudes abound about negotiations. Most people look at the negotiation process as “war”. Negative experiences and pessimistic attitudes lead to negativity and destructive behavior in negotiations. The potential for a positive outcome and the development of long-standing affable relationships is tremendous. Let’s delve into the myths and truths.
What Are The Myths And Truths?
Myths
- We need to take a position and stick to it since the opposing negotiator’s position will be unmovable.
- There can only be one winner and one loser.
- If we propose a price that is too low, we will leave money on the table.
- Our opponent always has an extra 15% to play with.
- The challenger has the upper hand and they will take advantage of us.
Truths
- Viewing the opposition as unmovable will lead to argument and a “no win” for both.
- When both parties approach the negotiation anticipating compromise, both win.
- When you focus on getting and giving good value, there is no loss.
- Greedy people get nothing. If you try to get every last dollar, you often end up without anything.
- Everyone negotiating has equal interest in getting what they need. No one dominates.
3 Keys To Getting to a Win-Win Negotiation
In achieving a fair and reasonable price or situation, it’s important to believe you can achieve it. Feeling like you’ve won or lost something only leads to dissatisfaction and poor relationships. There are three keys to achieve that positive desired end state.
#1 Key – Create A Non-Defensive Strategy Early
If you establish your main objectives early for price and the conditions, it is more likely you will get the results you desire. If a team of people are involved in the outcome, make sure all members of the team agree on those objectives and that you are clear about what they are. Remember, negotiation is about the situation and price. The conditions of the arrangement are those musical notes that can certainly make your other important objectives agreeable and workable. If you know what you want you can prioritize your requirements.
Maintain a flexible posture and realize your game plan may need to be revised from time to time. Stays focused on the desired positive end and allow changes that need to happen during the process happen. It’s dangerous to get so entrenched in your plan that you lose sight of the goals. Your objectives must help rather than a hinder.
Key #2 “Connect And Communicate
Many negotiations collapse because people fail to connect and communicate. These two essential elements of connecting and communicating are so basic and we often overlook them. Communication requires listening and patience. Connecting means you work to find common ground and have the same overarching goal – to come to a mutually agreeable conclusion. These two things involve you and your organization and the other players in the negotiation. When you take a position which closes you to the opposing viewpoint or leave little room for changes to your position, you may win a point but it will likely lead to a less desirable conclusion. When you can view the other party as a colleague you gain tremendous ground. It is likely you will meet that person again and need their cooperation. This will put a much different perspective on your communication and connectivity.
Key #3 – Attitude And Consideration
Begin by clearly understanding both your position and your opponent’s position. Do your homework – be prepared. Be open to understanding and internalizing both sides of the situation. You will better understand your opponent’s situation and the process will advance more smoothly. One prescription for losing is to take a position without listening to the other side. Approach the negotiation table with a positive attitude. Your attitude is often conveyed to the other party within the first few minutes of shaking hands. Attitudes are infectious and will permeate everything you say and do with you’re your team and with the other team. Negotiating is about both sides feeling satisfied. Be considerate of the other side’s feelings and the work they did preparing. If you are thoughtful, you will chart a successful outcome. Guaranteed!
Easy to Implement Preparations for the Negotiation
Preparation for negotiation is simple. It’s all about homework, people skills and attitude. Technically, you need to become familiar with the product or service you are negotiating about, how you arrived at your price, potential terms, the anticipated schedule, and the work requirements, products or services you will be expected to deliver. It is even more important to refresh your people skills and prepare your attitude.
The Truth About People Skills and Right Attitude
The truth is all of your technical knowledge is not valuable without the people skills and the right attitude. How do you prepare? Start by refreshing your people skills and renewing your attitude about yourself, your team and the opposition. Practice listening. You can rehearse with a colleague or friend to find out how well you listen. It just a takes a simple exercise. Practices by listening to a colleague recite a simple story first and when you have listened accurately, graduate to listening to your friend restate your opposing viewpoint. Interrupting the other person is not allowed. This is key. Restate what you heard and find out how accurate it is. Find out how well you listened and conveyed their viewpoint.
Dogmatic attitudes about your team or your opponent will get you to a standstill. Check out your attitude with people you trust and who will give you honest feedback. If it’s unbending, then fix it.
What you want and what the other party wants is not all black and white. The gray area is where most misunderstandings happen. Work to understand what the fuzzy areas are and accept that you probably won’t get everything you ask for. Again, engage a friend or colleague to discuss a simple opposing viewpoint. Find the “gray” areas and investigate what the possible positions might be. Separate your possible positions from the real needs. It is much more fruitful to focus on the real needs of all parties. Posturing is a waste of time and energy.
It is extremely important to be respectful of the other person. Strike a balance between overpowering and giving way on all points. Be mindful of their position and the effort they have made to prepare. Afford the other person the same respect you would want afforded you.
Be gracious. You don’t want to be enemies, but you also don’t have to become fast friends. Hostility and rigidity have no place here. When you approach the negotiation with a friendly attitude you do attain good results.
These skills, when learned, give you almost an unfair advantage over your competitors, with whom you will be negotiating. They are simple skills but when cultivated and used wisely, you will be surprised at the results.
The Importance of Your Team
Sometimes, negotiations are large and complex and require a team of experts. On large or important issues, it is more difficult to make negotiations work smoothly, without a team working with you. At other times, negotiations are less complex and the stakes are modest. If it’s just you on an important personal item or issue, engage some trusted friends or colleagues for their advice or to actually accompany you to your negotiation. If it’s a major company project, include the senior organization official, project manager or technical leader, pricing guru, and a member of the technical staff as players. If you are not an experienced negotiator, you should also include an experienced mediator on the team as well. All of these people may not be active participants but you need their advice and counsel to develop your negotiating position and game plan.
Negotiations are not simply about the price or terms. You may encounter issues requiring technical contribution, strategizing, and discussion of specialized points. The technical people are the team members who will provide the merchandise or service. They understand the technical issues.
Remember to designate a key focus person who negotiates the business arrangement. That person must maintain control of the agenda and the progress of the negotiation. Do rehearse your negotiation sessions several times. This will reveal difficult issues and allow players the opportunity to practice their roles. Explore alternatives, discuss merits and weaknesses of your game plan with your team, and assign responsibilities.
Non-Verbal Cues
Nonverbal cues are the little things that help you understand what is not being said. These are body language signals (facial expressions, body posture, breathing, sweating, eye movements), placement of players in the room during negotiations, and other pieces of information that you may have noticed from telephone conversations or E-mail messages. It is almost impossible to monitor all of these. Generally, nonverbal cues are the kinds of things your subconscious mind sees and creates a database of information about before you even know it. Pay attention to them as you assemble your team and commence discussions before negotiations. Also, discuss what you have sensed whenever you take a break during negotiations. It may give you a few clues to adapt to the situation.
Be aware and sensitive. Awareness and sensitivity skills are the most difficult to cultivate. This is a virtual sixth sense about your surroundings and undertones. You can rely on intuition polished from all of your experiences. Being aware and sensitive means seeing other people’s reactions, listening for the volume and intonation messages, and, most significantly, letting your inner voice tell you what to do “that’s the non-verbal conversation. Rely on it.
When to Say “Break Time”
It is important to recognize that some negotiations do not get finalized quickly. Some stretch out over days, weeks, months or even years. When is it time to “take a break”, several indicators will mean you ought to take five. These warning lights will help you keep your cool.
1. When the discussions get overheated. Let the coffee machine do it’s magic or take a walk in the fresh air.
2. When people on either side seem to have some thoughts that would be important to discuss behind closed doors. Remember, you can call a time out when the other team looks like it needs to caucus. It shows you care about their need to take a time out.
3. When 50 minutes have elapsed since the last break. No one is productive without a break at 50 minute intervals. This is not unproductive time. A great deal gets resolved when you just “walk around”.
Have Fun When You Can
I cannot stress the importance of keeping some of the moments easy going. Lighten up. When it is appropriate, sometimes introducing a humorous comment can break tension. You can tell a suitable occasion if you are sensitive both people and proceedings. Negotiations don’t always have to be serious.
Keeping the Relationship Long After Negotiation Are Over
Surprise! You may, and probably will, encounter the same players again in another setting, at another time. It is also possible they may be on your side the next time. When you have a positive attitude during negotiations, you foster cooperation during the project, and, potentially easier negotiation next time. It is vital to continue relationships after negotiations are over. Maintain contact on a regular basis and see how the project is proceeding from their point of view.
The negotiation lyrics are “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need”. Negotiations are about give and take. It’s about feeling good when you leave the table. The compromises and decisions were agreeable to both parties. Victory is achieving a mutual positive outcome. By understanding the negotiation process and by developing and implementing a plan that works means you will be well-prepared. You will know how to understand your opponent’s position ahead of time and become masterful at considering the options.
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